The Man in the Mirror – Are you part of the change you want to see?

Soon the presidential election of 2020 will be over and there will be a winner and a loser.  For most of us, there has been no shortage of exposure from both sides about the virtues of one candidate and the faults and failings of the other.  In too many cases, the political disagreements have escalated into violence.

Former United Nations Secretary-General Dag Hammarskjold said in a speech in 1960,

“The human world is today as never before split into two camps, each of which understands the other as the embodiment of falsehood and itself as the embodiment of truth”.

This was 6o years ago and long before the advent of social media!

It seems things have only gotten worse.  Civility in our society is at an all-time low.  Divisiveness is everywhere.  So much of modern communication is not conversation but posturing.  If we are not careful, we will become a culture whose differences define us.  It matters not whether it is our political perspective, our religious views, our gender, our race, or our college football preferences, many people today seem unable to see beyond these differences.  Instead of just accepting that others are different from us, much effort and energy, especially on social media, is spent in pursuit of defending our point of view and disparaging anyone who feels differently.

How can we stop the downward spiral of social discourse in our country?  Each of us must make the decision not to be part of the problem.  The adage is still true, “A better world begins with me”.

One way we can make a positive example and difference is to intentionally practice kindness to everyone, including those with whom we disagree.

The philosopher Philo said this: “Be kind… for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle”.  

We can all chose to practice kindness.  We can be kind even when we don’t understand why someone acts as they do.  We can be mindful of how our words and actions affect others.  Instead of choosing to respond in anger or argue our point, we can re-focus the conversation on what we have in common and on understanding the other’s point of view, even if we see things differently.  Our relationships with others will improve and our journey through life will be infinitely more rewarding. 

We can decide to be better listeners.  Most of us like to talk a lot more than we like to listen, and our communication style often changes when another criticizes us, angers us, or offends us. 

When I worked as a motorcycle cop, my job was primarily traffic enforcement in Columbus’ bustling downtown. It was not unusual when I approached the driver after stopping a car for a violation to find the driver annoyed and angry for getting stopped. If I wasn’t careful, the interaction would turn into an argument and what would have been a simple traffic stop could escalate into something more involved. I discovered from the book of James in the Bible some sage wisdom regarding communication that I recommend everyone remember:

“Don’t forget that it is good to listen much, speak little, and not become angry”. [James 1:19]

I printed this verse out and taped it to the inside of my ticket book. It reminded me to listen more than I talked, to empathize with the driver, and find a way to do my job while letting the driver vent and save face. I am sure it prevented many unnecessary arguments that could have led to avoidable arrests and citizen complaints.

This verse is worth not only committing to memory but writing down and keeping where it will serve as a reminder each day. 

We can choose not to argue.  We rarely change another’s mind by arguing with them.  Dale Carnegie said this about arguing: 

“Nine times out of ten, an argument ends with each of the contestants more firmly convinced than ever that he is absolutely right.” 

Arguing with a person rarely changes their mind, but instead results in resistance and a deterioration of the relationship.

Keep in mind, even when you are quite sure you are correct in your perspective, that it is important for others to save face.  How do you feel when someone makes it a point to prove you wrong?  You probably do not like it.  Most other people will feel the same way.  A softer, face-saving approach to making your point can keep the disagreement from becoming an argument or the other person from feeling attacked or disrespected.

We can choose not to respond.  Sometimes a person’s comments can be so spiteful or unkind it   justifiably stirs up our anger.  We can respond back in anger and perpetuate an exchange of more harsh statements or we can simply choose to let it go.  Arguments are like a teeter totter; it takes two people to keep them going.

Pop singer Michael Jackson said it well about being the change we want to see in his pop hit, “Man in the Mirror”:

“I’m starting with the man in the mirror
I’m asking him to change his ways
And no message could have been any clearer
If you want to make the world a better place
Take a look at yourself, and then make a change”
(Man in the Mirror, Michael Jackson, 1968)

Most of us would like to be a part of a more civil, respectful, and congenial society.  We can make changes in ourselves that permit us to become part of the change we want to see in our world.  No matter what happens on November 3, let us rise above the fray and make kindness, listening and acceptance more common in our daily interactions with others.